Love and Therapy
As clinicians, who work with couples or even therapists who work with individuals who are in relationships, we must consider "love" in our therapeutic process. Love is an emotion that infuses the mind and body alike (Fredrickson, 2014). Our clients experience love, and so do we as clinicians. However, this experience may often be unique and challenging to explain. This combination can be the catalyst for clients to seek out therapeutic services. However, throughout our training in relationship work, we rarely learn about love. This lack of training can lead to feelings of uncertainty when all our clients keep coming back to is "love." Often times, therapists might revert to personal experience over the evidence-based practice because they do not feel like they have any research to access. When considering the role of "love" in therapy, like the feeling itself, it is always present but also elusive and tricky to describe.
After working with clients over the years, it seems like they expect love to be experienced in their relationships with one another. It does seem like the expectations vary from one client to another. Some seem to believe that if "love" is not felt often and consistently, their relationship may be over. However, others might think that they cannot count on "love," so they do not emphasize it. Although clients' expectations of love may vary, it does seem that clients have more consistency regarding their expectations from me regarding love. They often want me to help bridge whatever gap might be present so they can feel on the same page with love. As a therapist, I need to understand how problems show up and disrupt the relationship (Johnson, 2004). Through a more in-depth understanding, I can work with my clients to discover their path toward a deeper, more loving relationship.
Clients' cultural views significantly impact their experience with love. Burbacher (2006) explains the importance of utilizing family mapping techniques to keep family-of-origin issues in mind to help explore challenges impacting couples in present time. Someone might come from a culture that views love with an emphasis on sharing responsibilities and growing a family. Someone else's culture might emphasize love is based on the physical sensations that come from the emotion of love. These backgrounds and other past experiences influence the perspective of what someone is expecting from their love relationship. It seems to make sense that love can mean different things to different people, like any other emotion. As a therapist, my clients' cultural views and other love experiences are imperative to learn and explore with the couple. With this understanding, we can work together to find a loving common ground.
As a therapist, the best way to know what my clients mean when it comes to love is to ask. I try to keep a curious stance around love and explore this with individuals and couples. Through this, I can learn more about what love and relationships are to each person and study with the couple about what they want love to mean in their relationship going forward. As clinicians, it is not our job to change our clients' views on love but to help them better understand them and find language around it. As we deepen our understanding together, it can help build a mutual understanding of who each person on the relationship is and what they need when it comes to love.
Reference
Brubacher, L. (2006). Integrating emotion-focused therapy with the Satir model. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 32(2), 141-53. doi:http://dx.doi.org.proxy1.ncu.edu/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2006.tb01596.x
Fredrickson, B. (2014). What is this thing called love?: A whole new way of looking at it. Psychotherapy Networker, 38 Retrieved from https://proxy1.ncu.edu/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.proxy1.ncu.edu/docview/1491847887?accountid=28180
Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating connection (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Brunner-Routledge 9781136916052