Relationship Care, What’s That?
Most of us know what self-care is (even if we struggle to practice it). However, did you know we also need to practice relationship care? Well, a healthy relationship takes nurturing and effort. We often think about what we need to be working on in our relationships by improving communication or intimacy. However, we don't always think about how to show our relationship nurturing.
How Does Self-Care & Relationship Care Work Together?
To provide any energy in our relationships, we must first take care of ourselves. Self-care can look many different ways for different people. It is common for couples to worry about their partner's self-care because it does not look like their own. What is most valuable is that couples be able to communicate their needs and work together for both partners to achieve their self-care. Once both people feel like they have "gas in the tank," they can attune to their relationship needs.
Finding Your Unique Relationship Care
Again, there is no "right" way to care for your relationship. However, it does require effort and intention. Society has set us up to think that the most challenging work happens in deciding to be in a committed relationship or not. However, that is just the beginning of the effort needed. A lot of work is required, but it also needs gentle caring attention. The best way to start finding your relationship care is to talk about it! Here are conversation starters to begin your relationship care discovery:
When did you feel most cared for by me? Was it an action, tone, pattern, etc.?
What would it look like if we could dream of our perfect day together, where we felt safe and connected?
What is essential to us to build a foundation of safety and connection?
Are there times you might not feel that same comfort and security in your relationship? What would be the positive opposite to consider trying?
Ideas for Relationship Care
Once you really explore your unique relationship needs, you can start putting in the effort and intention. Again, so many variations might be right for you and your partner to nurture and foster relationship growth. Here are just a few ideas:
Daily check-ins to discuss the good, the bad, & the ugly – often times check-ins can get negatively reinforced because they only happen when there is something difficult to discuss. Try de-stigmatizing them by doing them regularly and discussing the wins and excitements in each of your days.
Spend time reciprocating your “love languages” – often, we show our love in ways we wish to receive it. Take some time to know what really connects with each other and try and do show your partner love in their language (i.e., quality time, physical affection, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, etc.). This may help foster a sense of getting our needs met regularly.
Have fun! It seems simple, but once we get into committed relationships, it can be easy for joy to fall down on the priority list. Prioritize finding at least one way to connect and have some fun each week. Check out last week’s blog for some ideas!
Ultimately, the most valuable part of relationship care is time and effort. It is much less what you do but instead that you made the effort that shows your relationship matters. It is easy to prioritize careers, community, family, and friends. However, if you don't take care of yourself and your relationship, those areas may begin to suffer.